No one likes to be corrected, especially if they have experienced trauma from a negative correction experience (such as a teacher humiliating them in public for a mistake). But when a correction is done in love and with an eye to helping someone improve, it can be a learning experience. However, a few things need to happen first. We have to be open to being challenged or corrected. The one doing the correction should be someone we respect. And the one doing the correction should do so in love. If those three conditions are not met, conversion and change cannot take place.
First of all, we should make it clear to those whom we respect (family, teachers, supervisors, etc.) that we value challenge and correction in order that we can grow. But also make it clear that it should be done properly, in private, and with an eye toward real change which will benefit us as a person. The one to whom we give this “power” should recognize that it is a sacred trust. The correction or challenge is not punitive but leads to rehabilitation and growth. Also, the person challenging me should choose his or her words carefully and speak out of his or her experience. Once we give this permission to those whom we trust (and it should be a very small circle), we should listen carefully, especially if we are challenged in a Christian manner.
Perhaps an example is in order. If someone corrects me regarding something I’ve said, they need to have walked in my shoes or have had my experiences. Someone who has never worked in an emergency room should not be correcting the medical personnel on how they handle emergency situations. While I can do math, I should not correct an accountant on policies and procedures relating to income tax law. As someone who is not a parent, I really should not correct parents on how they discipline their children. However, we do have an obligation to question certain behaviors which seem “off.” Questioning is not the same as correcting. But when we raise questions, that should also be done in love and not in an accusatory tone. Moreover, when we choose to get involved, either by questioning or correcting, sometimes people do not accept our insertion into their situation. We should be prepared to step away. But if the situation warrants it, we may need to escalate as indicated in this week’s Gospel by involving others in challenging someone’s behaviors or actions.
Notice that whether we are the one being challenged or the one doing the challenging, it should be done in an atmosphere of love and understanding. The correction or challenge should lead to a conversion of heart. Unfortunately, there are some people who feel the need to correct everyone for every little slight or issue. There are a few parishioners who do this to me. They take offense at something I said in a homily or how I dress or something that the pope or the bishop said. Immediately, they barge into the vestry or catch me after Mass and begin berating me or they will go into the office and tell the secretary to tell Fr. John “x, y, or z” “He needs to fix this now” That kind of behavior or attitude does not lead to conversion on my part; rather, it causes irritation and frustration. Also, since I have not given these people permission to be in my circle of trust, I dismiss their commentary or concern. Even if they have a valid point, because they have chosen to attack rather than invite reflection on my part, I see no reason to give credence to their issue.
In short, correction can lead to conversion when it is done in a spirit of love and fraternity. However, when a person takes it upon himself or herself to be the “corrector-in-chief,” they lose credibility and weaken their position. In your prayer this week, reflect upon how you offer commentary, correction, or challenge to others. Is it with a view toward conversion or does it cause further alienation?
