Do you remember that old saying, “Some things are better left to the imagination”? As we know, that saying often refers to something lewd, but there are tons of other situations where they are just as valid. If you are like me, for example, you’ve had plenty of times when you’ve wished that you could un-see, or un-hear something. I bet, though, the first thing that comes to mind isn’t going to be related to gossip, let alone the rarely mentioned sin of detraction! I mention these sins, because, if we want our minds to be free to think good and uplifting thoughts, bringing others down isn’t going to fit into that equation. Here are a couple of tips that have helped me, and brought me peace of mind.
- Don’t gossip. As we know, love is always a Christian’s main goal. Obviously, avoiding saying bad things about others is key when striving to love as Jesus did. We know that gossip is a sin. There are several scripture quotes saying so: “No foul language should (unwholesome talk) come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29). This one is simple, even though it might not be easy. It may be helpful to avoid the situations or the people that lead us into gossiping.
- Here is something that we don’t think about as often: We need to avoid hearing other people’s gossip. Even if we do our best to avoid contributing to a gossiping conversation ourselves, that is only part of the equation. Gossip often contains lies, exaggeration, or expressions of jealousy, hated, and worse. Is it fair to form our opinion of someone based on someone else’s opinion? Even if we strive to “consider our source,” it is difficult to remain neutral, let alone supportive, of the individual that is the subject of the gossip. We do our best when our minds aren’t filled with the biases and negativity of others.
- Now, here is the “new” territory for most of us! The Church teaches that we are, also, supposed to avoid saying or hearing negative comments about others, even when they are true! By avoiding any opportunity to talk negatively about others, even if true, it helps us to think the best of them, which helps us in loving them as well. It’s interesting, The Catechism of the Catholic Church points out that we are to respect the reputation of others by avoiding any attitude or word that could cause “unjust injury” to someone else’s reputation. Further, a person is guilty of the sin of “detraction” if they, “without objectively valid reason, disclose another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them” (CCC 2477). One of the best examples of preserving a person’s dignity comes from some of my friends who are teachers. They have said that, each year, they want the children in their classes to start with clean slates, so they avoid hearing the previous teachers’ opinions of the children. Sure, there are times where there is an “objectively valid reason” some fact needs to be shared, but a “the less said, the better” approach is their guide.
This two way street of not speaking ill of others, and avoiding hearing others’ negative talk, is all about doing our best to lift people up, and wanting the best for them. It allows each of us to not be judged by how we behave on our worst days. By God’s grace, we have the gift of God’s mercy in the Sacraments of Baptism and Reconciliation, where we are washed clean of our sin and our failings. May we humans strive to provide the same “blank slate” for all those we encounter. In turn, freeing our minds from all of the background clutter of preconceived notions assists us in seeing them as we would like to be seen ourselves: fellow travelers on the path of life. As St. Paul said, “Finally, brothers, rejoice. Mend your ways, encourage one another, agree with one another, live in peace, and the God of love and peace will be with you” (2 Corinthians 13:11).
